This is who I was.....This is who I will be.....

Billy Holiday's "Stormy Weather" is playing as I write this, which is perfectly appropriate for the weather we've been having.



This is who I was....

Phrases you will not hear from me any time soon (if ever again):
1. I’m exhausted.
2. I’m 33 going on 83.
3. I need a vacation.
4. My body aches.
5. I’d like to but I can’t; I’m in law school.

Coming home with a very clean slate, an uncluttered mind and soul, the new trick will be how to maintain this new body and mind while not in vacation mode. For example, part of my new routine this past week has become reading the NYTimes for 2 hours in bed with coffee. Probably not one of the new routines I can keep and get away with, unless I can convince my boss to make it a job requirement to read the daily news (that would be a test of my negotiation skills!) But maybe I treat myself to just 3 articles over coffee everyday and give myself the two hour treat on Sunday.

I think the more difficult part will be creating a routine that involves others. I have just had a wonderful taste of what it feels like to do what ever I want, whenever I want. This is a slight exaggeration because you definitely have to plan your trips to the market around here, because when you run out of cream for your coffee, your trip revolves around their hours. The closest market, about 3 Km, is open in the morning on Mondays and Tuesdays, but not Wednesdays (found that out the hard way), and then evenings on Thursdays and Fridays, but usually by then it is too dark to ride the bike and still be seen by the Mario Andrettis of this neighborhood.

I’ve grown accustomed to this great freedom of availability that I think is almost impossible to maintain in our overly scheduled world. But I have new energy for the challenge. I used to love the spontaneity that Mike and I had in our life together and I realize now that a lot of that came from his being unattached to anything – job, material goods, home, etc. I know that he enjoyed this freedom as a coping mechanism to balance his fear of life ending too soon, and that aspect of the spontaneity was not fun, for either of us. I think I can have this sense of freedom without the fear, and that is what I will strive for on my return.

I know some of you are thinking, “Good goal Becca; good luck with that.” Don’t worry, a side of me is saying the same thing, which is why I am going to ask for your help! Yup, I know, nervy huh? (“For Christ’s sake, you come back from a 3 month Sabbatical and ask ME for help?! That’s rich.”)

Here’s my request for assistance:
1. test my ability to be spontaneous, last minute invitations (to work or play) will be greatly appreciated
2. test my ability to say, “no thank you;” and don’t take offense when I practice on you. I have discovered the more I say, “no, thank you,” the more available I am to say, “yes.”
3. test my ability to not acquire STUFF. I have gotten by with very little in Italy; I would like to keep my life this way. There’s a lot of uncluttering I need to do with my home so that it matches my uncluttered self; please help remind me of this when I contemplate purchasing or acquiring something. Whatever you do, please do not purchase for me! (I do need to get a new cellphone service when I return but this is the only exception –and honestly I could do without it if my boss didn’t need to reach me.)

Thank you.

This is who I will be.....with your help.