Action-Adventures in Living

The significance of this "trip": vacation, sabbatical, working holiday, etc. But the most important reason has become: not just reminding myself of my capabilities to adventure, but to actually show myself I still can. Action. A critical element to a widow’s recovery. Here is one giant I have undertaken recently.

I am typing my 2005-2008 journals into my computer and then I am going to ceremoniously burn the hard copies in an attempt to unclutter my life, both figuratively and physically. Why don’t I just skip the preserving into the computer and go straight to the burning? Yes, that would definitely be the more Buddhist way of unattaching, but I am a practicing Buddhist; I haven’t got it right yet. It has been an unbelievably transformative experience looking back at the past three years, on a day to day basis.

Here’s what I've learned:

In the early throws of loss-any loss- partner, job, identity, expectations, taking action is almost impossible. Actions are happening all around you, and the best you can do is go with the flow, be flexible, try to be present.

The next step is to take some small actions, nothing big, nothing too important that you might regret it later, but some actions none the less. Progressively these actions take on a little more risk, leaving you a little more vulnerable every time, but, presumably, you are a little stronger at this point, and falling down will not hurt quite so much.

To fully make your way back into the world, you must then take some leaps of faith! Such as a 3 month sabbatical, with your tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt, as the US economy crashes.

As my Buddhist Offering book says on my birthday: “Have the courage to throw yourself into life, take risks, weather blows. Knowing before you begin that you will be exposed to a series of opposites; success and failure, happiness and unhappiness, praise and blame.”